Happy relationships in both marriage and family includes at least five qualities: open communication, love, appreciation and respect for each other, a willingness to spend time together and the ability to listen and compromise when having differences of opinion.
The best experience you can give children is a loving relationship between Mom and Dad. The family is a by-product of the parental relationship. One way to begin to improve this relationship is to make a list of how you appreciate each other and to learn to communicate that with each other. The marital relationship is the axis around which all other family relationships are formed. When family difficulties arise and one person in a family (the identified patient) has pain that shows up in various symptoms, all the family feels this pain in some way. In family therapy, the patient is not a particular family member ... instead, it is the family itself who is the patient. In dysfunctional families, if one person is called the "patient" and is treated and becomes stable ... then another family member will become the "patient," because the family system needs to have a "scapegoat" for whatever is wrong in the system.
Independence is the ability of an individual to form a personal identity and develop unique skills for growing and thriving. Interdependence can be defined as a group of people coming together to share their skills, strengths and talents for a common good ... usually the good of the family.
When families encounter independence in its members, more and better skills become available in the family unit. Everyone benefits. In the optimum balance of independence and interdependence, families are able to accept individual differences and growth through accepting each member for who they are ... whether it is comfortable to do so or not.
But independent individuals learn to be responsible only when they understand that they are part of a bigger system - the family which is the patient to be treated ... not one individual. While encouraging individual growth, effective parents who guide the family unit must also teach respect and the need to establish an interpersonal balance - differences and all.
Should this be an area of concern in your family life, contact a counselor of your choice for further assistance.
-Presented as a community service by the Rev. Warren Watts, Tri-County Pastoral Counseling Service,