What to expect at this age
Drugs are something of an abstraction for most kindergartners. They generally don't know the names of illicit drugs, such as marijuana or cocaine or heroin, and they may not know these kinds of illegal substances exist at all. At this age children focus on the here and now, and unless drug use is something they see going on around them, it doesn't come across their radar. Consequently, any discussion of drug use is most effective when it deals with maintaining good health and avoiding things that could hurt their bodies.
This is the right time, however, for you to help your kindergartner learn values and decision-making skills that she can use to resist drugs later on. If your kindergartner doesn't hear you state your values firmly, she won't know what they are — and she'll begin forming her own according to what she hears from friends and TV programs. So take advantage of this trusting age to teach your child what is right. "At this age, if parents tell them it's bad, they believe it's bad," says Paul Coleman, a father, family therapist, and author of How to Say It to Your Kids.
How to talk about it
Discuss the dangers in terms she can understand. It's not necessary to teach your 5-year-old the specific names of illicit drugs. Instead, focus on things she already knows are bad, like cigarettes. "You remember how we said smoking hurts your body? Well, there's a drug in cigarettes that makes them bad for you, and sometimes people use other drugs that are bad for you, too." She can also learn that medicines are drugs, and that medicines can hurt her if she takes them in the wrong amounts or at the wrong times.
Be approachable. Although you're probably not having in-depth discussions about drugs with your child just yet, now is the time to establish yourself as a parent who will answer any question — no matter how challenging or alarming — thoughtfully and calmly. By the time your child reaches middle school and starts to have serious questions about drug use, it helps to have already had a history of heart-to-heart talks.
Talk about good health. When your kindergartner asks, for the tenth time, for another piece of candy after school, resist the temptation to snap, "I told you already, no candy before dinner!" Instead, explain your rule — even if you feel like you explain it every single day — and make sure your answer focuses on health and nutrition: "Why can't you have more candy right now? Because too much sugar is bad for your body. It won't make you healthy and strong, but it will tire you out and hurt your teeth. And if you eat a lot of sugary snacks before dinner, you won't have room in your tummy for healthy foods." If you've taught her the importance of taking care of her body all along, when she's older she'll be less likely to want to risk drug use.
Teach her how to say no. If your 5-year-old can learn to assert her views confidently, she'll be better able to withstand the peer pressure of the preteen and teen years, when experimentation with drugs is increasingly common. Listen to her when she states her opinions, and when you disagree with her, do so with respect. Kids who consistently hear, "That's a silly idea, why would anyone think that?" or "Don't you argue with me!" are, as teens, less sure of themselves, more rebellious, and less able to heed those inner voices preaching good sense.
Make sure your values are clear. You might think your child is aware of your beliefs about drugs, alcohol, and other dangerous substances, but she can't learn them through osmosis. It's your job, as the parent, to communicate your values clearly. You can let your child know that you value self-discipline, which will help her withstand the dangers of drugs when she's older. You don't need to lecture. It's enough to let her see that you can withstand temptations (at least most of the time). "Mmmm," you can say after finishing dessert, "That bowl of ice cream was good. And it was just the right amount. Eating more would be bad for my body and might even make me feel sick."
Reassure your child that you approve of her. Children are more vulnerable to drug use if their self-esteem is low or if they're starved for affection and attention. Build a good foundation early on by telling your child often how much you love her, and praise her genuinely whenever she deserves it.