In a speech before the Bennington Vermont League of Women Voters global warming crusader Mr. Al Gore claimed that Copernicus, Einstein, and Galileo were among the scientific consensus that human were causing global warming.
"Criticism of global warming is a dead issue," said Mr. Gore. "Especially if Copernicus, Einstein, and Galileo are on your side. I spoke to them last night. They agreed with me. They said that I was dead right. They said that global warming would lead the human race to a dead end. They begged me to continue my crusade to save the human race."
When pressed by a questioner from the audience about his means of communications with the dead, Mr. Gore revealed that he had invented a device to talk to the dead. "It was an important invention so I set myself a deadline. It was a simple matter to change a few circuits in my cell phone," he dead panned. "I succeeded where Edison failed. But it was simple for the man who invented the internet. I should get a Nobel Prize in Physics for this invention."
When questioned how he knew he was talking to Copernicus, Einstein, and Galileo; Mr. Gore answered "I knew it was Copernicus because he spoke with an Italian accent. I'd recognize an Italian accent anywhere."
When a member of the audience pointed out to Mr. Gore that Copernicus was Polish, his actual name was Kopernik, Copernicus was a Latinization of his actual name, and that he would have spoken with a Polish and not an Italian accent, Mr. Gore became visibly agitated.
"That's the problem with you critics of global warming. You focus on the petty details like accent. What difference does Copernicus's accent mean? What is important is that Copernicus and the others agreed with me. "