This is why you forget people’s names, according to a psychologist
“Nice to see you again, er, mate.”
It’s a common scenario. You’re at a party, or somewhere way less pleasant, like a 3pm Friday meeting, and you get introduced to someone new. You shake hands, exchange names, and a few small talk pleasantries.
You turn back to your friend, or colleague, and like witchcraft, the basic information flees your brain forever, guaranteeing yourself an awkward next encounter. Yet you can remember details like their haircut, shirt colour, and mole under their left eye – yes, everything but their name.
“We forget names because we are not focused on the name. Instead, we’re focused on appraising the person, and monitoring the way that we are presenting ourselves. Ageing, trauma, drugs and alcohol can all impact on our ability to remember names,” says Loughnane.
No, you don’t have early onset dementia (or at least it’s unlikely) but as Loughnane explains, the symptoms of dementia and depression are similar.
In other words, new situations and people can make you fret and forget – and leave you mentally scolding yourself “what the f*ck is her name?’
Your lazy brain might have something to answer for, too, says Loughnane.
“Learning names is cognitively taxing, it requires our working memory to kick into gear,” she says.
So instead of dedicating grey matter to the landline at your childhood home, and the exact crystals Victoria Beckham carries around, you might want to save some brain space for strangers.
If you’re like me, and a repeat offender, Loughnane has this advice.
“Using people’s names really helps to build rapport, so it’s worth the effort of using some association techniques to cement their name in your grey matter. Try to use the person’s name immediately after you’ve heard it, e.g. “so Renee, did you watch Game of Thrones last night?”
It also helps to associate the person’s name with someone you know who has the same name and to use visual associations, says Loughnane.
“For example I recently wanted to remember Renee Brown’s name, as I was told she has excellent YouTube videos about shame. So I thought of an old friend named Renee and imagined her in an unflattering brown t-shirt. Try and associate the person’s name with something you’ve learnt about them – the more outlandish, the more effective.”
Like imagining everyone in the room being naked when you have a big presentation, you can have some fun with this, Loughnane says.
“Perhaps you’ve just met someone named Amanda, you’ve learnt she is partnered, so therefore she has “a-man-da-hug and kiss”. Suppose you have to remember a new colleague’s name – James. You could imagine James the number 5 red engine from Thomas the tank engine.”
And if someone’s name still slips your mind, Loughnane shares this trick.
“Asking for their email address can be a lifeline. Saving names in your phone helps, too, including family members. So instead of asking ‘how are the kids?’ you can ask: ‘How are Darren, Katie and Joshua?’ The fact you’ve remembered strengthens any relationship.”
Stress in the Office? Try Yoga and Massages 2:48
Refresh Body co-founder Logan Richardson joins Lunch Break with Tanya Rivero and explains how his company, Refresh Body, provides yoga, massage and Pilates to boardrooms nationwide to engage workers, improve productivity and improve retention rates. Photo: Refresh Body