Coping in the Aftermath:
- Listen Provide them with an opportunity to talk about their loss and process it externally. Ask open-ended questions about their loved one, then let them share what comes up. Be careful not to judge or try to fix their problem.
- Avoid telling people they should move on – There is no timeline for processing grief, and it can be extremely upsetting and invalidating for a grieving person to feel as though others think their feelings should be resolved within a particular timeframe.
- Avoid saying “I know how you feel.” People often think this will generate a feeling of solidarity, but no one can know exactly how another person feels, and it can feel invalidating to be told otherwise.
- Ask how you can help Offer to bring food, make dinner or serve them, or help children or elders. Do something that could relieve the others stress. Help arrange the funeral / ceremonies / memorial or religious pray gatherings
- Take care of yourself When loss occurs, the crucial and immediate thing you must do it take care of yourself in the aftermath.
- Talk with family, friends, community members
- Be in nature
- Go to a different place, or environment
- Remember that everyone deals with grief in their own way; as long as you’re not putting yourself or others in danger, there is no wrong way to grieve.
- Think about the lost persons “last wishes”
- Understand what shock meansShock is often the first reaction to a tragedy. Shock can be thought of as an extreme psychological reaction to severe stress. It can include emotional numbness, detachment, flashbacks or nightmares of the event, feelings of nausea and weakness, anxiety, and even a fight-or-flight response. But just as grief is a very individual thing, so is shock; some might be “textbook” while others might have their own unique experience with that initial reaction.
- Don’t be too hard on yourself if you’re still grieving longer than you think you “need” to. How you grieve, and how long it takes to get through it, is different for each person – and if you suffer more than one loss, you might grieve differently for each one.
- Create a routine. It can be resuming an old routine or creating a new one. Either way, having a routine can help relieve some of the grief by providing structure and expectations on a day-to-day basis.
- Try to avoid drastic or major life changes for several months after the tragedy.
- Find someone to talk to about the loss. Not everyone will benefit from talking to others, but most people will.
- Engage in activities that allow you to express yourself. Having a hobby can provide an emotional outlet for your grief and a way for you to express what you’re feeling in unconventional ways.
- Forgive yourself: sometimes you feel that you willed the death and are feeling remorseful for not seeing those in recent months, however forgive yourself by acknowledging you cared and loved them to the best of your abilities.
The Symptoms of Grief
As odd as it may sound, sometimes a person isn’t sure they are grieving. They might go about life as normal, wondering why they don’t feel more sadness or pain. Though crying, emotional pain and fatigue are often seen as the hallmarks of grief, some might suffer the loss in entirely different ways.
Here is how grief might present itself after a loss. Remember that grief often has three layers: physical, emotional and social.
Information adapted from: