In the movie Frida, there is a scene where a friend asks Frida how she could love Diego Rivera, who a philandering man. Frida’s answer is one that captures how to be happy in any relationship. The essence of the answer is that she loves him for exactly who he is; because it would be impossible to love someone (or something) for what it is not. However, many married people behave this way without even realizing it. People are creatures of habit. Regularly, we have patterns to our behavior, when we wake up, how we spend our day, what we do for leisure, etc. So, when a wife (or husband) becomes upset repeatedly for a similar behavior done by a spouse, in order to free themselves from the frustration, all they have to do is adjust their expectation. For example, if a wife always goes out for happy hour after work on Fridays and comes home at 10, the husband may want her home by 9. Every Friday, the wife says she will be home by 9, and then always comes back by 10. The husband becomes frustrated over and over again. The wife has never done anything different then come back home by 10, and yet, the husband expects her to behave differently every week. Disappointed when she acts just as she always has, the husband becomes upset and agitated, and they fight when she comes through the door. Now, what if the husband adjusted his expectation to align with exactly the way the wife behaves? What if he expected her to come home by 10 or even 11, even if they had verbally agreed on 9? How much different would her homecoming look, when she does exactly as she has always done, and come home by 10? Once the husband’s expectations align with the wife’s patterned behavior, then harmony results. It is when we expect different that we become disappointed. The same scenario could be applied to a variety of situations. For example, if you expect your spouse to put her dirty clothes in the hamper, and she always leaves them on the bathroom floor, adjust your expectation. Expect her to leave them on the bathroom floor. Then, when she acts the way she always has, your feelings are in unison with her known behavior patterns. We must love our partners for exactly who they are, in this day and time. We cannot love them for who they are not. People teach us who they are through their very routine behavior patterns. Pay attention to what people do, and we will know what to expect from them. You can be happier in your marriage immediately once you align your expectations to your spouse’s patterned behaviors.