How Can I Communicate? Anger Management Skills Part Five
I have written on previous posts on anger management techniques and I have addressed different topics. I addressed understanding the cues and triggers of anger, the positives and the negative to anger, a secret to anger(one of them being expectations), and I talked about calming down techniques.
You have taken your break from it and feel calm?
The next anger management technique is that you both must agree to work it out. You show willingness to communicate by facing each other, preferable sitting down and looking eye-to-eye to each other and saying “Yes, let’s work this out.” or” Let’s talk about it.”
Then you try to hear each person’s point-of-view. It is best at this time to use ‘ I-statements‘.
An I-statement goes like this:
I feel ______________________
And what I would like instead would be _______.(This last sentence can be optional.)
Here is an example- I feel angry when you drive over the speed limit because it feels unsafe to me. What I would like is that you would drive the speed limit .
Communication skills is also about listening skills and listening is just as important as talking. Part of good listening listening skills is repeating back what you heard the other person say, because as you know, information goes in our brains, we translate it to our language and it may not be what the person was really trying to say. You want to make sure that you understand what the other person is saying by repeating back what they said. For example, ” I heard you say_______” and then they will either say yes or no, “what I am really saying is this.” So you want to spend time to just be clear on the issue.
Once you are clear on the issue, it is really important to understand that person’s point of view. Ask questions about what they say for clarification and understanding. Try to put your own feelings and thoughts about yourself aside, and just try to understand them. Because you also want them to understand your point of view. So then you switch, The other person says what is going on for them and the other person listens. Then you ask questions to understand their point, you re-state what you hear.
Once you are clear on both sides, either a natural solution will come out of that, or you brainstorm trying to think up different ideas that can solve the problem. And you choose solutions that are win-win solutions so that both people feel good about the solution. It is going to be a good solution when both people get something that they want from a solution. And then you just decide how you are going to do that, who is going to do what.
An important piece of communicating and you are trying to work it out is to set a time limit to this discussion. So when you’re setting a time to discuss the problem, you want to set a time limit of 20 to 30 minutes. One extension is OK, if both parties agree. And if it doesn’t get resolved, that’s okay. Set another time for another day to continue it, until there’s a peaceful resolution to the issue or problem.
I also want to recommend a report to get called “The Three Deadly Mistakes That Cause Stress, Overwhelm and Burn out.”
This report was created by my good friends, Robert and Terri TallTree,.
This report will help you with some of the underlying causes to your anger by helping you deal with the causes that cause stress, burn out, and overwhelm.
I hope you find it useful.
To Your Highest Good,
Laura Meehan, MA
Integrative Counselor and Coach
Founder and Liberator of Allowyourlightoshine.com
Ambassador of Cure for Boredom on Howtoliveonpurpose.com