Each of us wants to be recognized as person, to find sense of unique personal worth. Early in life we pick an Identity Niche,’ Usually a role that would be noticed and appreciated by our parents. If given role has already been chosen by an older brother or sister, we usually look for different niche. (J. Powell, 1974)
As Dr. Kevin Leman explains that our birth order shaped us. As he describes in his book the different personality of the first-born child, middle child and last-born. For example, the first-born is always described as the leaders. They often live with the sense of entitlement and even superiority. Middle born is normally good team players, reliable, loyal and steady while the last-born are one of the cheerleaders.
The above describes how we are in our birth order. However, there are some exceptions.
Actually, as John Powell said, it depends on what kind of siblings and parents you have had. For instance, if your older sister is the brain,’ and your brother is the brawn, you will specialize in something else. You may choose to be the funny one or to be the religious child. In the event, that a person has no quality or ability to individuated him, he may choose the course to be called “negative identity”, the rule of troublemaker.
Of course it changes during life, but it is important to recognize your own inclination. If you are parents, don’t ever-made comparison among your children. They are people and they deserve to be appreciated according to their qualities.
As May Rollo suggested that the best way to understand one’s identity as a self is to look to ones experiences. Like me… in the course of life, I identified as the heart. I always find myself being emotional and sensitive but tough, I think the experiences I have had shaped me to be what I become now. It is always an obstacle for me to ignore every negative criticisms and bad experiences. At least, I am in control now because I know myself. Though, it pains but I have to remind myself that I can get over from these problems; take problem as an opportunity for me to grow and make me much stronger.
As always, brain is in control over our emotions. Remember, when emotion is high, the intelligence is low. If I am not in control to the course of changing this, so, I will stay to be an emotional person who cries like a baby until I die.
Therefore, balance is important. We need also to work on knowing both our emotional and intellectual strengths. Emotional quotient could develop by meditation, reading good books, good friends and your church. Church can help you to be emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually healthy. Your faith could change you.