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I have bipolar II disorder, I'm addicted to alcohol and weed, and I'm hopeless. I keep drinking even though it's harming myself and others. | This relationship with your step dad sounds very challenging. It is hard to to be told over and over again how not good enough we are. Let me offer you this, frequently when we say harsh, mean, nasty things to others, we are simply projecting our own thoughts about ourself. I am not advocating that this is ok, it seems... |
I've been struggling with it for a test and I'm starting to believe it's something mental. What could it be? | Hello in Jacksonville, It sounds like you are struggling with motivation to either take or study for a test. There could be several different causes. If you were being seen at my practice, I would ask you to describe your self-talk when engaging in these activities, during the different phases ie. in beginning, after... |
My husband has had issues with alcohol addiction in the past (he'd never admit to this). A while back (3 years ago), I asked him to stop drinking so much, and he agreed. I caught him one night drinking behind my back. I confronted him and he lied, but I told him I knew he was lying because I counted the beers in the fr... | Hi Los Angeles,So your husband is giving you mixed messages. He says he's willing to cut back on the drinking, but he drinks and hides it. His behaviour is passive aggressive and immature, which puts you into this position of having to act like a disapproving parent. It sounds more like you're talking about an out-of-c... |
My husband has had issues with alcohol addiction in the past (he'd never admit to this). A while back (3 years ago), I asked him to stop drinking so much, and he agreed. I caught him one night drinking behind my back. I confronted him and he lied, but I told him I knew he was lying because I counted the beers in the fr... | As exasperated as you feel, and as obvious it is to you that your husband cares more about drinking than being honest with you, changing this is up to him.Does he care that you're upset with him for drinking more than he can handle?Does he care about you more than drinking?Living with an alcoholic, which is how his beh... |
I've been getting told lately by my partner that it’s embarrassing that I'm so antisocial around his family and friends. I believe it's because I'm not as social as him. | Hi Buffalo, I think you're right; your partner's reactions are about him. I have to say it's a cruel thing to say to someone you love...that you're "embarrassed by them". The subtext says "You're not good enough", and I love that you can reject that false message.You don't have to be different for anyone. If he can't a... |
My fiancé and I have almost the best relationship every girl wants, but lately it's changed. I get less attention and little to no intercourse. He works a lot and goes to the gym a lot (he's a football player for an indoor league), but he has no time for me. We live two hours from family, and when I leave home to see f... | Hi Rockford, While no relationship is "perfect", and it's natural for the passionate beginnings of a relationship to lessen with time, because we have established the trust and love needed as a foundation and we don't have to smother each other with attention anymore, your situation sounds like something different. "He... |
They don't go away, and I feel like I'm going crazy. Does that ever stop? Can it be a symptom of medication? | This can certainly be a side effect of some medications. If the voices are so powerful that you can not sleep or they are constantly present, you shouldn't wait any time, but go and see your doctor straight away. |
I would like to be able to have more positive relationships in the present. | Remember, the past no longer exists and the future is just an illusion as we don't know what will happen tomorrow, so take the present as your guide. That is all we can do, so keep saying this to yourself and try to help someone each day. The happiness is helping others to feel a bit better. |
They don't go away, and I feel like I'm going crazy. Does that ever stop? Can it be a symptom of medication? | Since you realize that hearing voices in your head is not usual for you, then definitely there is a problematic situation happening within your awareness of who you are.if you recently started taking a new drug or increased dosage of one you already were taking, and the voices started shortly after, then yes, it is pos... |
I need answers to my anger, possessiveness, and urges.
I am angry all the time. I push people away so much that I actually blow up on people now because they ask me how my day is or was. I have a possessiveness to someone who is not even mine. I have these urges to hurt someone really bad. I want to see them beg for m... | What result are you hoping to get from the behaviors you describe?Maybe start by comparing the results you see yourself receiving from your current interactions, with how you would wish to feel from relating to others.Since you ask, "what is wrong with me?", there is a disconnect between what you are doing and what you... |
I would like to be able to have more positive relationships in the present. | Would you describe yourself as sensitive to your surroundings and emotions?If yes, this may explain why letting go of past problems, is itself a problem.The dynamic of living one day at a time and letting go of past problems, is more imaginary and wishful than real.It is a popular notion of TV, FB, and media.Doing the ... |
I have been married for ten years. My husband is 29 years my senior. We have a young daughter. Ever since she was born, my husband has "shut down." We have no intimacy; he doesn't even kiss me. I've told him how I feel for years, and he swears he loves me and wants to make me happy, but I still have to literally beg fo... | Hi Smyrna,Your husband is avoiding dealing with this problem. I understand how lonely you must feel, not only sexually, but emotionally too.From what you describe, it seems that he wants to be there for you, but he clearly has barriers to engaging fully around this issue. My hunch is that he doesn't know what to do or ... |
I am divorced and happily remarried. Our blended family of children are in their 20s. My youngest, age 20, continues to call me crazy and favors her dad. He was abusive to me, and I left with injuries. He never wanted kids, and I did. He paid child support only through forced wage earners. Now my daughters favor him af... | Hi, I understand what you're going through. Your daughters favor him because he has done no wrong in their eyes. Im guessing they lived with you? Growing up I was the same way.. I favoured my dad, thinking he has done no wrong. He also abused my mother multiple times, and that never came to mind. kids like their other ... |
I have been dating my boyfriend for a month, and we want a baby. We don't work or drive, and we haven't talked to our parents. What should we do? | Hi Athens, When a teenager wants to have a baby, it's usually for a specific, and not healthy, reason. Do you maybe hope that a baby will cement your relationship? It doesn't work that way. Do you yearn for a person who will love you deeply? Babies don't give to us; we give endlessly to them. I urge you to talk to some... |
My brother just broke up with his girlfriend. While they were dating for the past two years, her son spent the weekends with me and my mother. Now she doesn't think her son should have any interaction with us. How should we approach the situation? Is she doing the right thing for her child? | Hi Tampa, I get that this is a loss for all of you; you have bonded with this child as a result of the significant time you have spent with him. He's a lucky boy to have had you all taking care of him. Certainly, it seems that his mother might not be making the best decision for her son; if you are willing to maintain ... |
She is living with her boyfriend of seven years. He is in therapy for depression and social anxiety. He hasn't worked in all this time. | Hi New York, There is no need for shame here; no one's done anything wrong! A pregnancy is a glorious gift to be celebrated. I wonder what gets in the way of you celebrating your daughter's pregnancy? Are they excited about it? I bet they are. They've been together for seven years. Even if it caught them off guard, the... |
I've been going through a rough time lately. I been into nothing but women. I’ve never thought about men until a week ago. I’m very upset and depressed about this. It's not normal to me. I looked at gay porn more than once to prove that I’m not gay. I get the same results each time, and I feel disgust. This is tough on... | Hi Brookfield, It can be unsettling when we feel something as fundamental as our sexual orientation shifting. I like that you're honest enough with yourself to say "I'm struggling with this". To accept that there is a question is a brave place to be. And...it doesn't necessarily mean you're gay.Unfortunately, we live i... |
I think I'm annoying and bothersome, but my girlfriend says I'm just fine. I don't think so, I think I'm stressing everyone else out | "Where you put your attention is where you will go". I forget who said this first, but it's very powerful. If all you think about and talk about is how annoying you think you might be, that will get annoying. Your intense self reflection is lovely; it will help you monitor yourself so that you're not affecting others n... |
My fiancé and I have almost the best relationship every girl wants, but lately it's changed. I get less attention and little to no intercourse. He works a lot and goes to the gym a lot (he's a football player for an indoor league), but he has no time for me. We live two hours from family, and when I leave home to see f... | Hello, It doesn't feel good when it seems that your partner no longer cares or cares less for you, especially if your feelings have not changed. It can be scary, frustrating, and lonely. Have you tried talking to him about your concerns? I would suggest to start there. There may be several reasons for his actions, some... |
Something happened this summer that I cannot forgive myself for. When I think about what happened, I feel ashamed and guilty even though my loved ones forgave me. | What a beautiful discussion of guilt and shame Lynda offers! Those
two demons start out as pesky and little when we are young, then grow with us to
become quite formidable. I'd like to throw in a technique I learned from Randy
Rausch (author of The Last Lecture) called The 3-Step Apology.
I teach this important bit... |
I would like to be able to have more positive relationships in the present. | Staying present is an attitude most of us aspire
to, and most of us have to work at it—certainly at first. I’m here to tell you
that living in the now or being mindful is a skill anyone can learn. Unfortunately,
the only way to do it is to do it. What a paradox! But there are plenty of
other skills that we are not ... |
We live with my ex-partner’s sister and her husband. We have been there for five years now. They are Hispanic and talk to my daughter in their language. Sometimes they overstep their balance between aunt and uncle and reach into my role as a parent. They neglect to see this. I do, and it reflects in my child's behavior... | Hi New York, I'm happy to hear that your daughter doesn't know about her dad's addictions. Although you don't say how old she is, and I imagine that at some point in her life she will be ready to know the truth, I trust your instinct that now is not the time. Your ability to have clear boundaries about what is adult co... |
I was in a situation with a guy. He’s my brother’s friend and kind of like a brother to me. He invited me over to hang out, and then came on to me. I was instantly terrified to say no, and I gave in. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't figure out why I'm afraid to say no. This is giving me a lot of guilt and dep... | Hi Tennessee, There is nothing wrong with you. There are many good reasons why you didn't say no. You didn't say no because you were caught off guard and unprepared; there is no place in life that teaches girls or boys how to manage it when someone crashes a sexual boundary. You also live in a culture where girls are e... |
Sometimes I can't stop thinking about life after death. I was raised in a religion that teaches that we will live on forever either in hell or in heaven.
When I think of living forever (even if it is in heaven which should be good), I feel overwhelmed. I don't like the thought of living forever and ever and ever. Som... | Hi California, What you're experiencing is indeed anxiety; it's very common. Through research we know a lot of things about how to reduce anxiety. I'll get you started and it's a great idea to connect with a therapist who can build on these ideas and get to know you well.It's natural to have random thoughts that unsett... |
I have a problem with binge eating, especially during times of stress. I binge eat and feel so overwhelmed with shame and disappointment that I end up going to the gym and trying to exercise the calories off. I am in my late 20s, and I have been dealing with this since I was a teenager. Are there any coping mechanisms ... | In dealing with an eating disorder you are far from alone. It is more common than you might think and tied to so many variables that it is easy for an individual to become overwhelmed in trying to navigate the influences of such variables. I have been working with individuals dealing with such challenges since 1998 a... |
We had our first kid 15 years ago, and sex has been nonexistent ever since. It only happens every three or four months. We have been to counseling, and I have been told over and over again she will come around. She hasn't, and I'm intimately lonely! I think it's time to move on, but how do I do that without hurting my ... | Hi Pocahontas, This is a painful situation. When you're in a relationship, you assume that you will continue to receive warmth and affection. When it dries up, it's a very lonely place. It's possible that there is an unaddressed issue in the relationship. It's also possible that your partner has hormonal issues, pain i... |
I self-harm, and I stop for awhile. Then when I see something sad or depressing, I automatically want to self-harm. | In a way, self-harm can present somewhat like an addiction. According to new research within the field of neuroscience there is a valid explanation for this. When a person cuts or uses other forms of self harm, the body produces endorphins to help make a person feel better. If a person was dealing with depression or... |
I feel insecure in my life. I don't think my wife truly wants our relationship even though she says she does. I have turned to drinking to help relieve my repressed stress about this and other issues. I have had a drinking problem for a few years. I feel the reason I drink is not just because I like to, but because I h... | Given the description you have posted here, it may be time to find someone to work with. First and foremost, look into working with someone who specializes in working with individuals with challenges surrounding drinking. This would need to be assessed first since if it has been ongoing, it may be making the situation... |
As a child, my parents injured my brother, so they went to prison. I was there when he had gotten hurt, but I can't seem to remember. I also can't remember being with them quite well. It's a blur. | It's important to know that there are counselors who are trained in working with survivors of trauma and you can get help. The "blur" in your memories is your brain's attempt to protect you from the experiences in your past. To recover them can be a slow process done by a trained professional that you trust. When yo... |
We just cannot seem to get along. I cannot have a conversation with her without it turning into World War 3. She treats me like I have no right to an opinion and never really lets me speak. My real mother cares and tries to help me, but she can't do much, because my adoptive mother won't listen to her either. | Going to see a experience counselor would be my advice. You will have a neutral person that can listen to both sides and help you all find a common ground of understanding. If she doesn't agree to counseling, really the only person you can change is you. I would suggest that you approach her with love and let her kn... |
I am a survivor of multiple sexual abuse/rape experiences. Triggers are having an effect on my daily life and my sexual relationship with my partner. I'm trying to learn to cope with them. | Have you tried counseling? Having PTSD from multiple abusive sexual experiences is very overwhelming for one to handle alone. You may need the guidance, experience and support of a professional to identify all the triggers that effect you and obtain the best coping skills that would work for you. |
I am a single mother. As a child, I was molested by my mother's boyfriend. I never knew my father. I started having children at 18 right after high school. After having children, I completely lost myself and gave all of my focus on my children. Now my children are getting older, but I still don't know myself. I've had ... | What your are experience is normal for most women. We usually forget about self and totally focus on our children putting our personal wants and needs aside. So to answer your question of how do you get to know yourself I usually do a 6 session course with my client by having them answer questions such as the followi... |
Now that the other girl is out of the picture, our sex life isn't the same. Is it because he is still thinking about the other girl? | Or...better yet... Is it you still thinking about the other girl? I am sure his cheating hurt you emotionally and may have affected your sexual performance as well. Make sure the other girl is out the picture on your end as well. Sounds like something the both of you need to have a calm and adult conversation about.... |
I been having anger problems a lot lately. It only takes one word wrongly said to set me off. I use to not be like this until I got with my soon-to-be husband. I think his mood and rage/anger problems have rubbed off on me a lot. I don't get nearly as bad as he does, but I yell almost constantly and I can't seem to jus... | With me knowing that a healthy relationship usually includes respect, trust, appreciation, companionship, spiritual solidarity, domestic support, feeling of being cherished, and sensuous affection, I am wondering if you are lacking in several if not all of these needs in your present relationship. Before he becomes y... |
My grandson's step-mother sends him to school with a pink Barbie backpack as a form of punishment. | Parents are to teach discipline to children, not punishment. Punishment is another word for wanting to cause hurt. There is a different in discipline and punishment. Punishment could have long term affects on a child's self image and growth. It can lead to others issues such as bullying from peers as well. Whatev... |
I'm depressed. I have been for years. I hide it from everyone because I'm scared of the reactions I'll get. Last time I tried telling my parents, it was a huge argument about me being too young to be depressed (I’m a legal adult), calling me ungrateful, and telling me that if I can't handle things now, it's only going ... | Don't think that you can't afford the help you need on your own. There are several counselors that see people on a sliding scale that can be as low as $5 (based on your income). Find a center that is non-profit, they have great counselors as well. It sounds like you know what you are experiencing and know that you ne... |
My husband used a lot of negative words to hurt me, and I moved out. He is seeing a counselor and wants another chance to make things right. I'm not sure if I trust that he will not go back to his old ways. | I am glad he is seeing a counselor. That is something that most men struggle with doing at times. Time will tell if his actions are of good intentions. However remember that a person can only do to you what you allow them to do in relationships. What part did you play? Did you down play his disrespect at one time... |
I have a problem with binge eating, especially during times of stress. I binge eat and feel so overwhelmed with shame and disappointment that I end up going to the gym and trying to exercise the calories off. I am in my late 20s, and I have been dealing with this since I was a teenager. Are there any coping mechanisms ... | Hello,This question describes a very typical setup of what is called the Binge, Repent, Repeat cycle. This means that typically after you binge, you experience emotions as you described "shame and disappointment" and then because of these emotions you "repent" (i.e. vow to never binge again, promise to "do better," go... |
My parents seem okay with other sexualities, but normally they only talk about being gay. When they do talk about bisexuality, they say things like “they'll do anything” or things that make me very uncomfortable because I am bisexual. I don't know if I am ready to come out to them. | Coming out to family members can cause a lot of anxiety. However, although I cannot promise what their reaction will be, the benefit is that you will no longer have to hide who you are. Perhaps researching or getting information on bisexuality can help your family understand what it truly is to be bisexual. Many times... |
I've had posttraumatic stress disorder for years without my parents ever finding out. I want to overcome it, but it’s so vivid, it’s like it’s happening again. I'm scared and paranoid. I have depression, which I have been struggling with since a young age. | Unfortunately, ptsd is not something that can be cured. Ptsd can be managed through therapy. Mindfulness can assist in redirecting thoughts and gaining further control over paranoia. Therapy is confidential and there are different ways you can obtain treatment. Mental health professional have availability to provide... |
My parents seem okay with other sexualities, but normally they only talk about being gay. When they do talk about bisexuality, they say things like “they'll do anything” or things that make me very uncomfortable because I am bisexual. I don't know if I am ready to come out to them. | Perhaps you are not ready to come out to your parents. Often times our readiness is not dependent on what others' will say or how they react. But more so dependent on how emotionally prepared we are to deal with others' reactions. It may be beneficial for you to play out each possible scenario and conclusion (eg. you... |
I feel so irritated and frustrated because of it. I get so angry to the point that I feel like I'm going to explode. I feel pathetic, stupid, and worthless. I just can't take this anymore. | Yeah I get the same problem... Look I'm not a professional but I've heard a few things. a powernap can help. just a half hour of sleep can clear your mind and let you refocus. Also, brain activity increases with physical exertion. Just walk around for a minute and get your brain working and that'll help you reach the t... |
I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am. | I'm having the same issue... I think you need to consider your morals and what you really want out of life. If there's something you want to achieve, that's who you are. And you need to put yourself into that and immerse yourself in the purpose of whatever you want. It doesn't matter how small it may seem. If there's n... |
I'm a Christian teenage girl, and I have lost my virginity. My boyfriend is a Christian teenager too, but things just got out of hand between us in a sexual manner. I planned to abstain from sex but I guess I wasn't clear about this because I was also tempted and led him on. We continued to have sex. Does it mean that ... | I'm not a super religious person... But I can't imagine that if you love him that much and you want him that much, that he wouldn't be the one for you because of something small like that. Sex is an act of love and commitment. If you feel that you want to be with this person for the rest of your life, want to marry the... |
Sometimes I can't stop thinking about life after death. I was raised in a religion that teaches that we will live on forever either in hell or in heaven.
When I think of living forever (even if it is in heaven which should be good), I feel overwhelmed. I don't like the thought of living forever and ever and ever. Som... | You need to find an outlet. Someone to talk to. Your dad or someone who loves your mother as well is someone ideal. But anyone could help. Just look to someone for help. If you can't find anyone who you think will listen, talk to your mom. It can help greatly just to get the words out. Tell her how you feel about her p... |
Me and the father of my child have been dating for a year. We had a big argument and at first he wanted to work it out. But with time he started asking others and they told him to leave me.
Now he wants me to wait on him to mature. He wants to talk to other people. Then come back in four years. He doesn't want to deal ... | Well, as far as your boyfriend, sounds like he has received advice from others that is not wise advice. Leaving is not the answer after a "big argument" as you mentioned. However this is not surprising to me based on his possible age and maturity level. Having a baby is a lifetime responsibility and there are very f... |
Something happened this summer that I cannot forgive myself for. When I think about what happened, I feel ashamed and guilty even though my loved ones forgave me. | Realize that you are human, not perfect and will make the wrong decisions at times. That is OK, we all have. However, the best way is to say OK, I did it, learned from it, will not do that again. EVER!!! You can get pass it; grow from it. Unfortunately, we forgive others faster than we do ourselves because we hol... |
Whenever I have to speak in public or be in big crowds, I freak out. I get light-headed, sweaty, and I have trouble breathing. | As you do it more, it should get better or at less with less anxiety. Anxiety is normal for most when speaking in public. I hear this from even the best of facilitators who have been doing it for years. I even experienced that when I first became a counselor and had to lead classes. I asked myself why were I so anx... |
My coworkers are making false statements about me to the boss, saying I have mood swings. They have no proof to back it up. Can my employer make me see a therapist of their choice? | If this is a concern of a few coworkers, make sure it is not something they see but you don't admit to. Employers can "suggest" or something "stipulate" in continued employment with them for you to go to their Employment Assistance Provider (EAP) if they have noticed the same behavior and concerned of how it is effec... |
My mom is always bossy and treats me like a child even though I'm in my 20s. She argues with me over stupid stuff. | This is a common issue. You grow up gradually, and parents often forget to shift their habitual responses according to your newfound level of maturity and growing need for freedom and independance. I'm all for helping you find new ways to cope and interact with your mom. Ultimately, you only have control over yourself,... |
I get so much anxiety, and I don’t know why. I feel like I can’t do anything by myself because I’m scared of the outcomes. | The other two post answers to your question are very good and I don't feel the need to repeat what has already been said quite well, but I will offer one other option I have been able to utilize quite successfully with those dealing with panic attacks. Chain analysis is a fantastic way for your to map out the situatio... |
such as not enough sleep | 0 |
Whenever I have to speak in public or be in big crowds, I freak out. I get light-headed, sweaty, and I have trouble breathing. | Basically, your response is the fight, flight or freeze reaction
which is hard wired into the human nervous system, specifically, the autonomic nervous system (called the autonomic response). This system
is responsible for regulating the heart, digestion, respiratory rate
as well as other aspects which match the sy... |
We’ve been together almost three years. We argue and he ends it by telling me he doesn’t love me. It's hurtful because I am all about resolving the problem, and he dwells on the issue even if I drop what he's done and just swallow my pride and say I am sorry. How can this be resolved? We have kids, and I don't want a b... | You can't fix this by yourself, but I applaud you for trying. One person working hard in a relationship can make things better for a while., but in the long haul you need two people giving some effort. I'm reading between your lines here and I wonder if your need to keep the family together is getting you to apologize ... |
I am a female, and I am afraid of having sex. I am afraid of disappointing my partner by being inexperienced. I think he thinks I'm not a virgin. I am also scared that he will be disappointed with my naked body. I don't want my partner to think differently of me because I am afraid of having sex. | The greatest sex experience will be with someone who you feel connected to outside the bed. This is something that you should feel comfortable in talking with your partner about. The relationship needs to be strong before moving to the bed anyways. If the love is there, he will understand your fears and make you feel... |
I saw my mother cheating on my dad before. I said something to her, and she said it was in the past. Yesterday, I saw her texting dirty things to the same guy. Should I talk to her again? I don't want my parents to go their separate ways, I just want her to stop. it's not fair. | You as the child in the middle of your parents' problems is the worse position to be in. I can only imagine your hurt, pain and confusion on what to do. Honestly, this is a hard question to answer without knowing your age, your parents' ability to handle hearing information from you and your maturity to handle what m... |
I've been with him for a couple months. We will talk everyday and he will get mad over something I will say and not talk to me. We have our great moments, but I just need to focus on my personal situations, and I feel he is slowing me down with that. I still wanna be with him, but not now. | I have learned that the best approach is to say that you need the time to get yourself together, mature, learn, outside of a intimate relationship but just in a friend to friend relationship...don't blame him or point fingers at him.... most likely if you did that it would not go well. If you make it about you and tha... |
I just need to know if I'm really crazy or not. | Do an internet research on psychosis symptoms and see if you have several of the symptoms. If you do, seek a medical evaluation from your primary care physician. There are great medications and psychotherapy that can help you live your life to the fullest. There a many people who are diagnosed with psychosis and liv... |
My dad passed away when I was a teenager. I never got any help, and five years later, I feel like I can't handle it anymore. | It's never to late to get help with grief. Get help as soon as possible before you are feeling the same way 5 years from now. You will always miss your Dad but getting help with coping with his loss will make life easier to live. |
My husband told me last year he never loved me and should have never married me. He's been talking about divorce, but he hasn't filed. Now he has a girlfriend and he abandoned me and his kids. He has no financial help, and he has been out of the home for four months. He became very angry and mean. He says it's all my f... | It's hard to say that it is a midlife crisis stage.. could be... but so much more seems to be going on or have been going on to say with confidence that it is not much more. |
I get so much anxiety, and I don’t know why. I feel like I can’t do anything by myself because I’m scared of the outcomes. | Anxiety is simply your system communicating to you that you are in danger. The issue that I see in most of my clients is that they try to reason with this anxiety. You do not reason with sensory states in the body. If your system tells your in danger (your stomache feels like it is knots, your heart is beating out of y... |
I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am. | Three years ago I attended a week long meditation retreat. By the fifth day I noticed I was light headed and felt very strange. I began to realize within my own being an experience of no separation. I would see others at the retreat and smile. I loved them all. I could feel the connection with this awareness I had read... |
He isn't violent, but he has anger issues and deep insecurities. He's working on them and has improved. We started counseling, and he participated in one or two individual sessions, but we broke up again shortly thereafter. Now his constant questions and accusations are getting really draining. | Hello and thank you for your question. I worked for a number of years with people who have been both abused in their relationships and those who have been abusive. Being involved in a relationship with a partner who does the behaviors you describe can be incredibly difficult, and many would argue is even harder than ov... |
I think I have depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and I have anger issues. I told my mom over and over again. She told me she would get me a therapist, but she never did. I just found out that my mom can't afford a therapist for me. | It can be difficult to get counseling if you don't feel supported by family members. There might be a few options. If you are in school, I'd recommend talking to a school counselor or school nurse. They often will be able to help you access free or affordable counseling resources in your community. In addition, dep... |
I have a relative who is in his twenties. He was in a drug rehabilitation program and got kicked out for using drugs again. No one informed family that he was using drugs again. He subsequently overdosed and was found dead.
Is their accountability of counselors, therapists or the halfway house for not reporting that... | I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. This sounds like a really difficult situation for the whole family. Since the answer to this question will depend a lot on the applicable state laws, I would suggest talking with a local attorney. That being said, I see two competing issues here. On the one side is the duty of con... |
My friend is abusing her prescription medicine. Even though she told me she didn't have any more pills, I found she has prescriptions for anxiety medications. | Hello! Thank you for your question. I have a worked with many people who have become addicted to benzodiazepines, like Clonazepam. It is a difficult road for people who are trying to become clean. It is also a very difficult road for those who love the person and are trying to be supportive. During those times, it is i... |
I'm concerned about my boyfriend. I suffer from anxiety, but I always have this feeling he wants to hurt me because he told me he was interested in BDSM intercourse. We haven't tried it, but I've had this feeling he always wants to. |
Hello! Thank you for your question. There are few things
that people find more personal than their sexual relationships. When we feel
connected to our partner, sex can be best thing since sliced bread. However, if
we feel disconnected in some way, sex can feel degrading and even painful.
I don’t know the specifics... |
I have had a crush on this guy for years. I last talked to him a few years ago when we graduated from high school. We left off on a good note. Should I message him and see how he is doing, or is it too late? | It's never to late to let a person know how you feel. You never know where it will take you. You don't want to hold this regret of not letting your feelings known and wondering "what if" for the rest of your life. That can be torturous. Now prepare for whatever..if his feelings are the same or if they are not. I... |
We don't have sex a lot. I cheat when we argue. I don't kiss or have unprotected sex with them. It's a one time thing, and I never see them twice. |
Hello, and thank you for your question. The question about
whether or not to cheat is based on personal values that can only be answered
by you. However, here are a few things to consider and questions to ask
yourself to help you find your answer:
1.
Do you feel like you are violating your own
values or moral... |
I love him, but he doesn’t show me love. He talks badly about me to his friends. |
Hello, and thank you for your question. Loving someone who
doesn’t respect or treat you well can be enormously difficult and painful.
Many people who find themselves in an emotionally hurtful
relationship say that it was wonderful when it first started, but that over
time their partner’s behaviors changed and they... |
My friend is abusing her prescription medicine. Even though she told me she didn't have any more pills, I found she has prescriptions for anxiety medications. | First of all, where did you find the pills? Did you have to go into her private space or things to find them? If so, you might want to do some research on codependency. I recommend the book "The Everything Guide to Codependency." You can find it here: https://www.amazon.ca/The-Everything-Guide-Codependency-codependent/... |
Something happened this summer that I cannot forgive myself for. When I think about what happened, I feel ashamed and guilty even though my loved ones forgave me. | Forgiveness takes time. You know what you did, and by the sounds of it you are not impressed with yourself. In my mind, this is a sign that you are a good person. You recognize that you did something that crossed your own moral code. You could have just done this thing and not felt anything - but you do feel. And that ... |
My parents seem okay with other sexualities, but normally they only talk about being gay. When they do talk about bisexuality, they say things like “they'll do anything” or things that make me very uncomfortable because I am bisexual. I don't know if I am ready to come out to them. |
Hello, and thank you for your question. Being bisexual can be particularly
difficult because it is often misunderstood, even by people who are “supposed”
to be part of your own community, such as lesbians and gays. It happens so
often that there is actually a term for it –
bi-erasure. This is simply something tha... |
I feel like every time I do something someone asks me to, I never fully meet what they want. I feel that when I finish it, they always think that they should have picked someone else to do it. I feel like they just want nothing to do with me. | It sounds like you have the perception that people are frequently disappointed in you, wish you were different or someone else, and ultimately reject you. One question I would have for you is what is your evidence that people feel this way? Is there anything in people's words or behaviors that gives you this impression... |
I'm a teenage girl, and my dad is an alcoholic. I hate being at home with him because he just stresses me out. He can be picking me up from basketball practice or piano lessons, and half of the time, I don't even know if he's sober or not. I refuse to get into the vehicle with him and walk home sometimes. I've either b... |
Hello, and thank you for your question. You are clearly a
resourceful young person to reach out like this to find help. Good for you. I
have a few ideas and perhaps some other counselors will add some thoughts, too.
First, good for you for taking care of yourself and making
really good decisions – such as not get... |
I've had posttraumatic stress disorder for years without my parents ever finding out. I want to overcome it, but it’s so vivid, it’s like it’s happening again. I'm scared and paranoid. I have depression, which I have been struggling with since a young age. | I understand that at times it’s difficult to share with our parents what we have been trough, due to fear of judgment or punishment; but I have noticed that keeping our experiences secret, intensifies them. And Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can haunt us for a long time if we do not learn to process the memories that ... |
I feel like every time I do something someone asks me to, I never fully meet what they want. I feel that when I finish it, they always think that they should have picked someone else to do it. I feel like they just want nothing to do with me. | As long as you try to reach others expectations you will never feel satisfied or accepted. How about setting your own expectations for self and strive for those. Make sure your expectations are reachable and realistic. |
I got sick really bad and was throwing up for three days and nights. I thought I was going to die. Then about a week later, I started having this desire to be female. I never had this desire before. All I can think about is being a woman. I don't get pleasure from my penis anymore either. Women are attractive, but not ... |
Hello, and thank you for reaching out to ask for help. Surely this is a very confusing time for you! If you have never had these
feelings and desires it could certainty shake everything you thought you knew
about yourself.
My guess is that you becoming sick around the time that this
started is likely a coincidence... |
Last year, I just always felt hopeless. I don't have a great relationship with my sister. I lost my mother recently, and that really added to my sadness. My sister always brings up how I was never close to my mother. | Wow what a painful journey you have been in for a long time. Death and grief bring up so many painful reminders of relationships--what they could have been, never were, and what was lost. With death of a family member the family often falls apart for a while... or longer. I hope you can find some support for you and yo... |
i was addicted to porn since the second grade. I'm in my early 40s and overcame my addiction during my separation from my wife of 15 years. | The person who can answer this question is the person you want to rebuild that trust with. They are the only one who can tell you what it will take for them to trust you again. What they tell you may seem hard or impossible but unfortunately that is what THEY need. It is up to you if you feel and know you can provid... |
I have PTSD from childhood events and other traumas as an adult. I have panic attacks, nightmares, anger, and at times depression. I feel like I'm always on the edge or just apathetic. Can I fix this by myself? | I will not say that you can't but I will say it will be much harder and the time may take much longer. Getting help and having someone to be there with you through the ups and down of PTSD makes the journey much easier. |
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. We go to different schools, and we don't see each other that often. I just feel very paranoid that there's someone else or that he could be hiding something from me. | Have you spoken to him about your fears? Perhaps you can explain this feeling to him and let him know what might lead to feeling more secure. Also, it is important to trust your intuition! Perhaps there are good reasons to feel concerned. It may not be paranoia - it may be based in reality! |
What should I do when we see each other? | I am so sorry this happened. Sharing a part of your private life without your permission can be so painful. I might suggest (depending on your relationship) reaching out to your sister and discussing this (or setting boundary that you don't want to discuss your private life). I might also speak with your wife and sh... |
I have been noticing myself really enjoying watching/reading about gay or lesbian couples. I've also been imagining what it might be like to date a girl, and I like the idea. I also find guys cute too. Does this make me bisexual? | Hello! Thank you for your question. Exploring your sexual orientation and attraction is a wonderful opportunity to get to know yourself! I would be curious to know what feelings you might have related to the possibility of being bi; What messages you may have received related to this orientation and any concerns you... |
I feel like I was born in the wrong body I feel like I should be a girl not a boy
Ever since I was young, I have wanted to be a girl. I felt like what I was wasn’t me. I want to know what I can do about it. My family is against transgender people and don't want anything to do with them. I want to be “me.” I feel as if... | Hi. Do you have any opportunity to work with a therapist? It sounds like it might be really great to explore these feelings. If you aren't able to, there are many awesome gender work books available that you could use to explore your thoughts and feelings. Also - google "ask a gender therapist" - so many amazing video... |
I am currently suffering from erectile dysfunction and have tried Viagra, Cialis, etc. Nothing seemed to work. My girlfriend of 3 years is very sexually frustrated. I told her that it is okay for her to have sex with other men. Is that really okay? | Hello, and thank you for your question. I completely agree with Dr. Zehner. Many couples are in open-type or polyamorous relationships where one or both partners engage in sexual relationships with others. The key thing about this is that it really does have to be something that both people are okay with. Now, as Dr. Z... |
My mother and I have an okay relationship. I know she loves me unconditionally, and I love her the same. However, more times than not, I'm afraid to tell her anything personal because she either doesn't listen, she turns it around and makes everything about her, or she ignores things - even when they are about my menta... | How can I get my mother to listen to me without her freaking out?Communication with our loved ones can be tricky, but it is the key to maintaining a healthy and functional relationship with them. At times, it seems difficult to communicate with our family because many feelings and “undercover” messages are attached. Es... |
Me and my adult daughter just do not get along. She's very belittling to me when I don't agree with her. It's almost like she scolds me. We get into all out war. She's said I don't support her in what she does and that I've never loved her. She calls me horrible names, and she pushes my buttons to the point I call her... | As frustrating and probably hurtful as your daughter's comments sound, there's also a message in them about how she genuinely feels.To some degree, your daughter and you may both feel similarly misunderstood by the other.Developing ways of listening and talking to one another to better understand how you each feel, wou... |
I terminated my counseling relationship with a social worker several years ago. I am now realizing that I would like to begin counseling again. The social worker’s voicemail message says that he returns calls in 24 hours, but he hasn't called me back. I called him on the weekend and made it clear that I want him to ca... | Yes, your former social worker should return your phone call.It is the professional ethic to do so and plain human decency to do so.If he doesn't, there is nothing you can directly do about the fact of his ignoring you.There are formal complaints you can make, which you can consider doing.What matters most is receiving... |
How do I ever trust another woman? I have found myself constantly reading between the lines with every other woman that I meet. I am having a difficult time making any sort of connection to anyone because of her deception and willingness to say and do literally anything in order to control my emotions.
Once the "relat... | I'm sorry to hear about that situation. If the woman was your therapist (or had been at one time), this could represent a significant ethical violation when she created a dual relationship with you.Even if you were not her client, this might still be an ethical violation. Counselors are held to a high standard of condu... |
Can a counselor take sides with one parent and allow a parent to order the child to tell the counselor "every detail" about what happened during the other parent’s visitation in order to help build a case for child custody? | <!--[if gte mso 9]>
<w:LsdExcep... |
I always feel the need to impress people, whether it's my family, the people at school, or just random people. I know that no matter what I do or how I change, there will always be some people who hate me. Why do I feel this way? | It is normal to seek other’s attention and noticing that some people would not be interested. After all, we belong to a social environment where we constantly receive other’s feedback, which at times validates us, makes feel important and useful, like we belong; but also at times makes us feel isolated, different and ... |
I'm fine when we start becoming intimate, but out of nowhere, I will get a flashback of what happened to me in the past. I start hysterically crying and freaking out when my boyfriend obviously has done nothing to hurt me. | Have you sought the support of a therapist really qualified in working through sexual trauma? It can take some work, but healing is possible. If you feel able to, it may also help to open a dialogue with your boyfriend about what you need from him when you have these flashbacks. Let him know what some helpful responses... |
I blame my past relationship for it. I know it is bad to be this way. I want to get past it. | We humans are social beings. We learn how to BE in relationship as children. The caregiving you received (or didn't receive) set the stage for how you show up in all your adult relationships. Insecurity in relationships often has much to do with feeling unheard or unseen, perhaps feeling like you don't matter. There ar... |
I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a number of years. I have been on medication, but lately my depression has felt worse. Can counseling help? | Certainly counselling can help. however, there is a caveat, namely, you will need the right counsellor with the right approach. This leads to two questions: 1) What are the identifiers for the right counsellor, and 2) What is the right approach?1) What are the identifiers for the right counsellor? The right counsellor ... |
I have PTSD from childhood events and other traumas as an adult. I have panic attacks, nightmares, anger, and at times depression. I feel like I'm always on the edge or just apathetic. Can I fix this by myself? | When it comes to trauma, especially in the event that it has caused you to develop PTSD, there can be a lot of difficulty in attempting to resolve these issues on your own simply because of how strong your urge to avoid it whenever thoughts of the traumatic experience come up. PTSD is best treated with the help of a me... |
I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship. | A lot of times when you're experiencing nightmares and flashbacks, it can be a sign that you haven't fully processed what happened. Our brains tend to replay scenes in our life that we wish had turned out differently or in an effort to desensitize us to it. If you are comfortable with it, you may want to consider sh... |
When my boyfriend gets in a snit, he gives me the silent treatment for days. When I ask what is wrong, I get nothing: no reply, no phone call. If he does reply, it is something very sarcastic and hurtful. He never admits he is wrong and never apologizes. | This sounds very hurtful for you to be on the receiving end of this. You can ask yourself " what am I learning from the way I am being treated? " and consider whether or not this is in fact either (1) A message or value that you agree with and believe will strengthen your relationship and help you to grow as a perso... |
I'm fine when we start becoming intimate, but out of nowhere, I will get a flashback of what happened to me in the past. I start hysterically crying and freaking out when my boyfriend obviously has done nothing to hurt me. | Sexual intimacy can be very triggering for survivors even when it is both wanted and consensual. You may want to consider seeing a therapist who specializes in trauma to work through the abuse if you have not already done so. Often times triggers still hold such a powerful effect when the emotions related to the abus... |
I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a number of years. I have been on medication, but lately my depression has felt worse. Can counseling help? | My initial response: consider a more comprehensive MH assessment to determine other factors. A medical evaluation is warranted to rule out poor health issues. Blood work is helpful. Review what hadn't helped. |
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